I Corinthians 12:12-27
Hebrews 12:15
On Thursday our eleven and a half year old Lab, Ramey, had surgery on her foot, and that meant that the whole family got disrupted. Because of the surgery, Ramey couldn't have breakfast that day. And in our family, if one dog can't have breakfast, nobody gets breakfast, because you can't explain why to a dog. So, because Ramey had to go to the vet, the whole family was miserable for a while. "When one member suffers," Paul said, "the whole body suffers." This is a true statement, and we would know that this is true, even if Paul had not said it. We know it's true, because of our experience. We are in close relationship with people who have a variety of illnesses and problems. Cancer, Alzheimers, the flu, alcoholism and drug abuse, conflict and other relationship problems. When one member is hurting, we all suffer.
That's normal. And to be expected. None of us lives in isolation. We are all bound together in relationship groupings and we are interdependent on the people in those groups. These relationship groupings are also called systems. A system is made up of individual parts (people), but the system is larger than the sum of the parts. The system takes on a life of its own, and perpetuates itself. Within a given system, there are ideas and beliefs as well as accepted ways of doing things. A system also has a world view--a way of looking at the world. A paradigm.
When there is shared pain within a relational system, that pain can be healed by the power of God, as we grieve our losses, and as we face our problems, and as we forgive those who wrong us. But if the hurt of the individual and the group is not healed, the whole body may become infected. The pain festers, and grows into a root of bitterness that infects not just the individual, but the whole family or the whole church. And that sickness can continue through generations.
For instance, you have no doubt heard of the great feud between the Hatfields and the McCoys. That feud began over a pig. Both families said the pig belonged to them, and so the feud began. Because neither would give up their claim, and neither would forgive the other family, the quarrel deepened and was passed on to the next generation. The feud became, in effect, a way of life for both families for more than forty years, and it was not over until there were graves on both sides of the fence. (story file, 14.11.5)
But this is what happens when a system gets sick. A system that has become sick, is a closed system. It rejects new information, and resists change. It rewards those who maintain the status quo and punishes those who question the established world view. (Addictive Organization, 60).
That’s one way to spot a sick system. Here are some other symptoms:
*Often there is an identified "patient" or "problem child"-one member of the family or social group is either misbehaving or has become mentally or physically ill. This identified "problem" often becomes something that the rest of the system hides behind. So and so has a problem. But I don't.
A man was on his deathbed, with his wife maintaining a steady vigil by his side. As she held his fragile hand, her warm tears ran silently down her face, splashed onto his face, and roused him from his slumber. He looked up and his pale lips began to move slightly. "My darling," he whispered. "Hush, my love," she said. "Go back to sleep. Shhh. Don't talk." But he was insisted. "Honey," he said in his tired voice. "I have to talk. I have something I must confess to you." "There's nothing to confess," replied the weeping Betsy. "It's all right. Everything's all right, go to sleep now." "No, no, I must die in peace, Betsy. I have been so unfaithful to you. I have even had affairs with your best friend and your sister." Betsy mustered a pained smile and stroked his hand. "Hush now, Jake, don't torment yourself. I know all about it," she said. "Why do you think I poisoned you?" (parables 19.8.8)
In a sick system, people try to fix what's wrong . . .but they do it with poison darts. So, the toxic chemicals of bitterness and revenge continue to infect the system.
So, how do we bring real healing when the system is sick? Healing itself, of course, is in God's hands. But like other kinds of healing, there are some things that we can do to facilitate healing.
I will talk briefly about 5 things we can do.
1. Expect resistance. You might as well face it. When you are trying to bring healing to a sick system, that means you are trying to change it. And in any system there is a preference for homeostasis (things staying the same). It has even happened in alcoholic families that when the alcoholic stops drinking, the rest of the family wants to go back to the way things were, because the change--even though it's healthy--feels awkward and even painful.
2. Face the truth, whatever it is. Jesus really meantit when he said that the truth will set you free. Even when it is painful, the truth sets us on the road to healing. It
may well be a long road, but that's ok, at least we'll be headed in the right direction.
3. Take responsibility for your self. Your own words, actions, decisions, feelings. In other words, set healthy boundaries. What is typical in a sick system is that the whole system becomes codependent. We worry about what everybody else is doing, but don't take care of our own issues and needs. Here's a codependent riddle: What flashes
before the eyes of a codependent when she dies? Someone else's life. Be determined to deal honestly with your own issues, your own feelings, your own past and future.
4. Begin to make some small constructive changes. It's all the better if the members of the system all agree to making changes, but even one person within the system can create change. When one is sick, we all suffer. And when one starts to get well, that affects all of us, too. A sick system depends on everybody obeying the rules. When one person disobeys those rules, it changes the chemistry, so to speak. The others in the system have to react to this new behavior.
Just be clear that what you are changing is yourself, not someone else.
An efficiency expert was giving a lecture and he ended with a note of caution: "You don't want to try these techniques at home."
"Why not?" asked somebody from the audience.
"I watched my wife's routine at breakfast for years," the expert explained. "She made lots of trips between the refrigerator, stove, tble and cabinets, often carrying a single item at a time. One day I told her, 'Hon, why don't you try carrying several things at once?'"
"Did it save time?" a guy in the audience asked.
"Actually, yes," replied the expert. "It used to take her twenty minutes to make breakfast. Now I do it in seven." (Parables, 19.8.1)
5. Go back to point one. There will be resistance. In you as well as in other people. But keep at it anyway. "There's a saying in AA that you are either going forward or going backward with your recovery." (Addictive, 180) There’s no such thing as standing still. What's true for individuals is also true for systems, because systems operate very much like individuals do. The sickness didn't come on overnight, so it won't go away in a day. Keep at it.
I have a specific reason for talking about this today. Not just because it fits in with our series about healing. But because of Morning Star and our life together. I do want you to be able to take the thoughts and ideas and apply them to your family and friendship systems and organizations that you are a part of. But I especially want you to think about them in relation to building this church.
Churches are particularly vulnerable to systemic illnesses. In churches people are often afraid to be honest, and to confront issues and conflicts. The truth would be too painful. Or it wouldn't be nice. And we must be nice above all else. I believe that if we simply allow human nature to take over, we, like many other churches, will get sick. We'll have unhealthy conflict, gossip, and unresolved issues. We'll develop a codependent way of living with each other. Because that is the way most of the world works.
But if we want to have a different way of life than we have experienced elsewhere--an open, honest, genuinely loving church, then we have to be intentional about it. Each of us comes to Morning Star with our own particular personal wounds. And we've already had some hurts together, too. In our early years, we had some serious conflict with the Presbytery, and felt wounded by that. We’ve had some losses, in people and property and in our dreams, a few disagreements and misunderstandings. Have those wounds healed or festered? Have we confronted the truth and sought reconciliation? Have we given forgiveness? Have we allowed ourselves to grieve?
Morning Star is still young enough, I think, that we are still developing our system paradigm. Still establishing our world view. Still deciding what kind of behavior is acceptable and unacceptable. We will do well, I think, to take to heart theadmonition to let our hurts heal, rather than allowing them to become roots of bitterness in the body of Christ.
I want to offer a prayer in closing, a prayer for healing. For Morning Star. For our families. For other relationship systems that we love and care about. As I pray, I invite you to bring to God the relationship systems that are a part of your life.
Great God, you have created us for life together. Together in friendships, in marriages, in families, at work, and in the body of Christ, the church. We acknowledge in these moments that we have experienced pain in many of these relationships. We’ve been wounded by others, and we have wounded the people we love. We have at times, by our own behavior, perpetuated the sickness of the systems in which we live.
But, Lord, you are the healer. And you can heal the sickness of our own heart and soul, and you can heal the sickness in our marriages and families and friendships. So, we lift these relationships to you. First, our families. Parents, children, brothers and sisters, aunts and uncles. Grandparents, and grandchildren.
And we lift to you our marriage relationships, asking for healing that only you can bring.
And our friendships. Our colleagues at work.
And, Lord, we pray for Morning Star. For the wounds we have received in our brief lifetime. For the losses. For our relationships with each other. Guide us to the kind of love and openness that will take us to the kind of health and life that you desire for us.
In all of these relationship systems, help us Lord to be assertive. To be willing to make the changes that you lead us to make. Help us to be open and willing to be different for the sake of health and growth.
All of these things we give to you, that we might be healed and whole, and that we might serve you with joy. In Jesus’ name. Amen.